The rule of 3
The day of my trip began in an interesting way, I strongly believe in the rule of 3 you see. 3 things had to go wrong for the rest of the trip to go right, everything in my life has always come in 3's, deaths, catastrophes, good things, you name it, it comes in 3's for me. So I'll start this blog with my 3 things from my anniversary trip to Vegas.
It started out waking up with all 3 kids howling, yes howling, they tend to do that at times, why in the world they were up so early is beyond me, I was sure they would sleep through our departure. The night before our trip we called a cab company and made arrangements for a cab to be at our house at 7:40 am, our flight left at 9am and we live 10 minutes from the airport so we figured that was a safe time. 7:40 came and went, at 7:50 I called the cab company to ask where the hell our cab was, they assured me it was on the way and would be here soon, ok, no big deal, I will just not get that cuppa joe before the flight, I'll scrape through security and make it to the gate just before boarding. 8am comes and is quickly going, I had my husband call the cab company yet again, the first cab was delayed but no problem, they are sending a replacement. 8:09am I rush to throw all of my kids, bags, sitter and husband into our minivan because the damn cab still isn't here. My sitter is 17 and has never driven to the airport but I have no choice if I want to make it through security and board on time or at least before last call. That is #1.
Fast forward to the security line, you ever notice the ONE person you do NOT under any circumstances want to have to deal with but you know damn well you are going to end up next to said person?? There was this lady in line, she was about 6'2 and pretty wide, she was shaking probably from parkinsons disease and couldn't remember where she put her boarding pass, and no one told her that she had to have her ID, so 10 minutes later she finally finds it in her carpet type bag, all the while holding up the security line. I swear the woman's bag reminded me of Mary Poppins bag, full of everything imaginable. We finally make it through security and off we go to our gate, the minute we arrived there they called our section so we got right in line 3 people behind "carpet bag lady". So, we get on the plane get to our seats and "carpet bag lady" is trying for ever to put said carpet bag into the overhead, this took 5 minutes, I kid you not, if I would have been closer to her I would have helped but instead the people in front of me were just rude to her and stared impatiently as she struggled, which I'm positively sure caused her to take longer because she was flustered. SO, she looks at the row number and sits down..... In MY seat, I need a window seat, I feel very tense when I don't have one, it really causes me to have panic attacks also, this is a large woman and my husband is a large man. He looks at me pleadingly and BEGS for me to take the middle seat, there is no way they could sit next to each other with both of them being so big. So, I act like the good wife, the flight was actually overbooked, "carpet bag lady" would NOT move and I'm mostly non-confrontational so I sit. It was a 4 hour flight, I sat with my elbows in my belly button squished between this woman and my husband. This woman not only took up her seat but also 2/3 of my seat, I lifted the arm rest between my husband and I (he took up some of my seat too) and finally had 8 inches where I could sit for 4 hours uncomfortably. That was #2.
We arrive in Phoenix with a 2 hour layover and the first thing I do is go grab a cuppa joe, I guess I should have had a few shots instead, I had panic attack after panic attack on the flight and I was still grossed out from "carpet bag lady" slurping peaches throughout the flight and dripping on me and while she was doing that she was falling over on me while she slept and drooled. Anyways, I get my cuppa joe and promptly spill it all over myself, and of course I have nothing to change into, I now own a nice Arizona t-shirt and some denim shorts that will forever be brown and smell of caramel machiato.
Monday night of our trip we went out to dinner and then went to a comedy club. I"m not much of a drinker but I'd had a few and was feeling no pain while watching the first comic but I had to tinkle BADLY! We were sitting at the table right in the front (I don't recommend this at a comedy club by the way) I held it until the first comic was done and the host came out, I then got up quickly to run to the restroom before the next comic came on, well guess what? The next comic had the shortest introduction in the history of the world and here I was the brunt of a million jokes as I tried to walk out to go tot he bathroom. I made it back in just in time to have my breasts ridiculed, it was a fun night! LOL! I had a few more drinks won a few hundred dollars and we went off to our room.
to be continued...
It started out waking up with all 3 kids howling, yes howling, they tend to do that at times, why in the world they were up so early is beyond me, I was sure they would sleep through our departure. The night before our trip we called a cab company and made arrangements for a cab to be at our house at 7:40 am, our flight left at 9am and we live 10 minutes from the airport so we figured that was a safe time. 7:40 came and went, at 7:50 I called the cab company to ask where the hell our cab was, they assured me it was on the way and would be here soon, ok, no big deal, I will just not get that cuppa joe before the flight, I'll scrape through security and make it to the gate just before boarding. 8am comes and is quickly going, I had my husband call the cab company yet again, the first cab was delayed but no problem, they are sending a replacement. 8:09am I rush to throw all of my kids, bags, sitter and husband into our minivan because the damn cab still isn't here. My sitter is 17 and has never driven to the airport but I have no choice if I want to make it through security and board on time or at least before last call. That is #1.
Fast forward to the security line, you ever notice the ONE person you do NOT under any circumstances want to have to deal with but you know damn well you are going to end up next to said person?? There was this lady in line, she was about 6'2 and pretty wide, she was shaking probably from parkinsons disease and couldn't remember where she put her boarding pass, and no one told her that she had to have her ID, so 10 minutes later she finally finds it in her carpet type bag, all the while holding up the security line. I swear the woman's bag reminded me of Mary Poppins bag, full of everything imaginable. We finally make it through security and off we go to our gate, the minute we arrived there they called our section so we got right in line 3 people behind "carpet bag lady". So, we get on the plane get to our seats and "carpet bag lady" is trying for ever to put said carpet bag into the overhead, this took 5 minutes, I kid you not, if I would have been closer to her I would have helped but instead the people in front of me were just rude to her and stared impatiently as she struggled, which I'm positively sure caused her to take longer because she was flustered. SO, she looks at the row number and sits down..... In MY seat, I need a window seat, I feel very tense when I don't have one, it really causes me to have panic attacks also, this is a large woman and my husband is a large man. He looks at me pleadingly and BEGS for me to take the middle seat, there is no way they could sit next to each other with both of them being so big. So, I act like the good wife, the flight was actually overbooked, "carpet bag lady" would NOT move and I'm mostly non-confrontational so I sit. It was a 4 hour flight, I sat with my elbows in my belly button squished between this woman and my husband. This woman not only took up her seat but also 2/3 of my seat, I lifted the arm rest between my husband and I (he took up some of my seat too) and finally had 8 inches where I could sit for 4 hours uncomfortably. That was #2.
We arrive in Phoenix with a 2 hour layover and the first thing I do is go grab a cuppa joe, I guess I should have had a few shots instead, I had panic attack after panic attack on the flight and I was still grossed out from "carpet bag lady" slurping peaches throughout the flight and dripping on me and while she was doing that she was falling over on me while she slept and drooled. Anyways, I get my cuppa joe and promptly spill it all over myself, and of course I have nothing to change into, I now own a nice Arizona t-shirt and some denim shorts that will forever be brown and smell of caramel machiato.
Monday night of our trip we went out to dinner and then went to a comedy club. I"m not much of a drinker but I'd had a few and was feeling no pain while watching the first comic but I had to tinkle BADLY! We were sitting at the table right in the front (I don't recommend this at a comedy club by the way) I held it until the first comic was done and the host came out, I then got up quickly to run to the restroom before the next comic came on, well guess what? The next comic had the shortest introduction in the history of the world and here I was the brunt of a million jokes as I tried to walk out to go tot he bathroom. I made it back in just in time to have my breasts ridiculed, it was a fun night! LOL! I had a few more drinks won a few hundred dollars and we went off to our room.
to be continued...
posted by Jeni at 2:10 PM
3 Comments:
OMG!! I laughed my butt off at the way you told this!!
Thanks for the graphics on the airport experience...I'm taking it all in so I will be prepared for anything when I come to see you.
Love You!!
Angel
Oh my goodness Jeni, you poor thing! I totally feel your pain about the plane bit. That totally sucks the big one when you have to sit next to people like that. Aren't you glad to be back in the comfort of your own home!
I'm so glad you started a blog! I didn't know you had one. Now, I'll have to add your link to mine!
OMG!!! LMAO!!! That's so great. Let's see a picture of that Arizona t-shirt!
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