Update on here I sit...

I talked to my ped and she wants to admit Jack into the hospital tonight to monitor him there. He may be having surgery on Monday instead of just a Dr appt now depending on how badly the apnea is tonight.

I'm an emotional wreck, I know it's the best thing for him but I HATE this. Why does my poor baby boy have to go through all of this? I would change him places in a heartbeat.

I'll try to update again on how it goes at the hospital and when the surgery will be now.

~Jeni

Tagged by Cathy!

I just realized I was tagged by my friend Cathy in November! I can't believe I had no idea what this was until now, shows what a dork I am! So, for you Cathy, I am FINALLY completing my Tag! LOL

• Four jobs that I have had: I was a paramedic for an ambulance company, I worked as an ER tech in a hospital, I did home health care through United Way, and I was a Nanny while I was in school to be a paramedic.
• Four movies that I can watch over and over again: You've got mail (reminds me of how I met Mike), Willy Wonka (need I explain? LOL), Any of the Harry Potter movies, and Shawshank Redemption.
• Four places I have lived: Flint Michigan, Burton Michigan, Shreveport Louisiana, And Fairview Park Ohio.
• Four TV shows I love to watch: Survivor, American Idol, How I met your mother, Still Standing.
• Four websites I read daily (or I at least check on daily): Babycenter birth club board, May Drama Mama board, MSN Celeb gossip area, and Weather.com (I"m a freak about what the weather will be... ).
• Four places I have been on vacation: DisneyWorld in Florida, Las Vegas Nevada, Chicago Illinois, and Rhode Island.
• Four favorite foods: Beef Pot roast with carrots, potatoes and onions, Beef Stew, Santa Fe cheesy taco soup, and a good steak with mushrooms.
• Four places I’d rather be: In bed taking a nap, In Michigan living near my family again, in Chicago visiting my friend and my cousins, and in Vegas baby! (soon!)
• Four people to tag: I sadly don't know four people who haven't already been tagged so I will say if you are reading and feel compelled, I tag YOU!!!! LOL

~Jeni

And here I sit..

It's 1:31 EST and I'm laying here in bed awake listening to my son and his father breathe. They both have sleep apnea and Mike hasn't put his mask on yet. He wears a Bi-pap mask to control his breathing so he gets more rest and doesn't die in his sleep. My poor baby couldn't have one of those at his age.

We go to the Dr. (ENT) on Monday, I'm begging him to put Jack on an apnea monitor that will sound if he stops breathing for too long. I hate listening to him breathe then stop for up to 56 seconds (longest tonight anyways) then take in a few large breaths to help catch up and right back to the not breathing thing again. We will be most likely scheduling surgery for tonsil and adenoid removal at that appointment. Not sure what they will do about the atresia for now. I guess if it ends up being a major factor they will have to do something.

I'm scared to death for my baby boy, I can't sleep, I've lost a ton of weight because of all of this shit. I couldn't imagine my life without him, my children are my world. I really need to make sure he is better soon and get the girls better too.

I need a vacation from my life, TG I have one coming soon, I'm just praying all of Jacks troubles are solved by then or at least he is on a monitor so that we can rest easy knowing if something were to go wrong, God forbid, that I would get to him in time to save him. As it is he is sleeping in his pack and play directly up next to my bed. I'm sleeping on my right side so I can hear him ( I'm deaf in my right ear so if I want to hear anything I have to sleep on that side).

Please keep Jack in your thoughts and prayers and please God let him be okay. I have never been so scared in my life....

~Jeni

Go away black cloud, JUST GO AWAY!

I'll start with the oldest child and work my way down.

Hannah is a sensitive kid, so to get a belly ache when she is nervous or something is wrong is normal for her. However something was different this time, she was"off". So we went to the Dr. Hannah was severely impacted and we had to do 2 enemas and we have to give her an adult dose of laxative and a teaspoon of benefiber a day at least for the next 2 weeks, then we will re-evaluate.

Her teacher is out for 8-10 weeks after being diagnosed with ovairian cancer and I know that's had on her too.


Megan has had an ongoing speech problem, we have been trying to get her placed in a program since December. I finally have another appt for ANOTHER evaluation set for Feb. 24th at 10 am. This evaluation will cover her SI issues too (ie: socks, tags, etc.).

Jack has been diagnosed with sleep apnea and a partial nasal atresia. We go to the ENT for testing and to set a surgery date for tonsil/adenoid removal at the very least on Feb. 13th.

Hannah left her adult dose of the laxative out and Jack drank 3 ozs before I caught him with it. (today) So I was on with the peds office and poison control for over 40 minutes and have to watch and wait for major runs and possible dehydration, of the JOY.

Hannah is completely beating herself up over this which sucks on so many levels.

I crashed my car yesterday, totally smashed the drivers side front quarter panel on a pole in a parking lot none the less, and now can't even open my drivers side door, I have no money to fix it right now either, so it waits.

Did I mention all of this stuff has been happening with phone calls and pleas and whatever else you can think of, for the last month (or almost 3 as in the case with Meg) ?

Not to mention the death of my cousin and various other illnesses in this house. I just need the damn black cloud to MOVE ON ALREADY DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!

So many bad things lately

I have had no many negative things going on lately in my life that I think I'm turning into a huge downer. So, it's time to post some things I'm looking forward to and to try to dig myself out of this funk.

1. I'm looking forward to going to Vegas with my friend at the beginning of March, it's a much needed break and will be a lot of fun.

2. I'm starting to look forward to this baby shower I'm throwing for my cousins wife. I think I came up with some good ideas and I'm proud of what Jaime and I decided on. It should be very nice.

3. I'm looking forward to going shopping with my Grandma and Hannah for Hannah's First Communion dress. I'm very grateful that my grandmother is still around and I'm very grateful that she is able to participate in this. I know it means a lot to her and that makes my heart happy.

4. I'm looking forward to all of the babies that are going to be born in my family this year, I love newborns and I can't wait to love and snuggle them.

5. I'm grateful that my family is also gaining 2 new members with 2 awesome weddings coming up this summer, Erica and Katie are very sweet people and David and Ryan are very lucky to have them in their lives.

6. I'm grateful that my children are thoughtful, loving, caring, compassionate people. They may be terrors at home sometimes but they are great kids who will grow into fantastic adults (just not too soon!)

There, that helped! I have a lot of positives going on in my life and it's time to focus on those for a while. I'll try to keep the negative at bay and try to start seeing the glass as half full again. Depression is no fun and I have so much to be thankful for.

~Jeni

The Blues

My cousin died the day before my birthday. He was 31 and there are some fishy circumstances but we won't know for certain why he died until the autopsy comes back, hopefully by next week.

I want to tell you all a little bit about my cousin Aaron to honor his memory. Aaron was born on Jan. 9th, 1975. His parents divorced before he was 2 and his dad married my aunt Kathy. His natural mother never really had much to do with him but my aunt Kathy loved him, clothed him, fed him all as if he were her own child. Aaron is just shy of a year younger than I am and we grew up more like siblings, me, Aaron, his sisters Heather, Cynthia and Andrea. My mom and Aunt Kathy are very close and since my mom didn't drive we did everything, and I mean everything together. Once I was able to drive Aaron and I were inseparable, I also dated his best friend for almost 2 years. Aaron and I had a falling out when I was almost 19 because he started dating this girl. He had very low self esteem and was delighted that she was interested in him because she was beautiful... On the outside. On the inside she was a mean, hateful, spiteful, rude drug addict who wanted to use him for his money. His sisters and I all tried to convince him of this but he wouldn't listen, so our long friendship ended.

About 5 years ago Aaron dumped the chick and saw the light. He stopped using drugs, cleaned up his act and became extremely responsible. He even took custody of his oldest sisters son (long story about Heather). He was lucky to have made it through all of the "bad years" unscathed. We became friendly to each other again but never went back to the relationship we once had, the trust was gone, I think. Aaron was a person that never held a grudge, he always had a smile or a word of encouragement for you. He was a practical joker, he was a giver. He loved animals and took in many strays both human and otherwise. He will be sorely missed. The morning Aaron died I awoke at 4:48am. And woke my husband up, I had a very vivid dream about Aaron which was odd, I hadn't seen him since November. He died at approximately 4:45 am. I truly believe he was saying goodbye to me.

So, to Aaron,

I love you, I will miss you forever, I will never forget who you were and what you stood for and I pray that my son has the same values and morals as you did as you grew up. You were an amazing friend and an awesome cousin and you will be missed always...

~Jeni